NEXT WEEK, I PLAN TO...

THANKFUL FRIDAY

On Sunday, I decided to tackle my clothes closet. As Michael pointed out, I am always cleaning out my closet. This is true. I generally tackle my closet every season because I am a firm believer that all of my clothes should fit neatly into that space. In the time since the last clean out, I’ve purchased new things and I’ve gotten into a habit of tossing random things onto the top shelf. The space had started to feel cluttered and unorganized. So, I took everything out and started from scratch. I ended up filling two large garbage bags with unwanted clothes and shoes. Now, when I open my closet to reach for something or put something back, my heart smiles.

I am sure there’s a phycological diagnosis out there for me that explains my desire for organization and neatness. I can look around my house right this very minute and cringe with how much clutter there is or the lack of organization. Everyone else will look at the same space and tell me that I’m coo-coo for cocoa puffs. The day Amanda and I cleaned out the lab fridge still remains one of my most favorite work day moments. I’m really good at deleting pictures from my phone, but I still keep a photo of the inside of that lab fridge because it fills my soul with joy to look at it. Sometimes, I open the door of that fridge just to gaze because that fridge is still neat and organized. This is how I soothe myself.

Tackling the closet feels like growth and movement. It makes me feel ready for more positive transformations.

I might be rushing things, what with the weather still being flaky around here, but I feel myself becoming a little bit more disciplined when it comes to my old routine. I actually care a little more about some things. I had, for longer than I’d like to admit, fallen into state of not caring about anything. I just felt a whole bunch of nothing on the inside while pretending to feel things on the outside. With the exception of rage. That’s been the only consistent feeling. Maybe if I faked my smile long enough, it would actually be a real one. Fake it ‘till I make it. It wasn’t just the closet that made me feel less like I’m faking things. It’s officially Spring, though I’m not convinced that we won’t have just one more snow before Summer rolls around. But we are in greening mode where all of the trees have tiny little bits of green poking out and the redbud trees are starting to bloom with purple and white blooms. I can look out my window and see so much color and it makes me sigh with bliss. Spring is and has always been my New Year.

I’m never ready for growth during those dark early months of a year. I wish I could say that I tend to do more resting during those months, but the truth is I just end up pacing listlessly around the house thinking about all the things I can’t get motivated to accomplish. Winter is the worst time for a resolution of any kind and I’m taking out phrase that include “This year I plant to ….” Growth happens monthly, daily. Winter wheat is planted in late Fall where is sits dormant through winter. It’s not ready for harvest until late July. I’m winter wheat and I’m coming up out of my dormancy. I’m adopting a new phrase of “this week I plan to…” where I fill in the blank with something easy like unroll my yoga mat or take Josephine on three walks.

Michael and I had a lovely bike ride to dinner on Monday. Also, he’s been out all week for Spring Break. He told me to treat it like a mini-summer and I’ve done pretty much nothing around the house. It almost feels like I’m on Spring Break too. I’m grateful for all of the things Michael accomplished around the house. I only asked him to do one thing and he ended up doing twenty things. I’m grateful that we snuck in a bike ride before the rain settled in for the rest of the week.

But I am most grateful to be celebrating my New Year.